So apparently I need to update here more often with stuff. So here is some stuff. I have Sea Monkeys, specifically Sea Monkeys on Mars. The awesome little brine shrimp swim around in their martian styled habitat and don’t do really much of anything.

I’m going back to Disneyland! October 10 to 14! I am going to eat turkey legs for thanksgiving! I found a super cheap flight/hotel combo through expedia, and since I already have an annual pass to Disneyland, all I have to pay for now is food. It’s going to be so much fun! It’s also what I think of when I start to feel stressed and worried about finding an accounting job…

I wish I could fast forward to October now and skip the anxiety of CA recruiting and just go straight to Disneyland!

It was roughly one year ago that my life was dramatically changed. Getting cancer has had repercussions that I am still feeling to this day. I still have some chemo-related side-effects. More importantly, I am still definitely dealing with it mentally. Sometimes I wonder if I will ever be able to deal with the psychological ramifactions of having had cancer.

I have a CT scan tomorrow morning, so that’s what is probably bringing these thoughts up. It’s just another of the constant reminders that keeps me from dealing with this is the way I usually deal with traumatic memories, pretending it never happened. I can’t pretend I never had cancer, I’m reminded of it too frequently.

I just have to find a way to deal with it…

So here it is, 2009…

I’m waiting for my car to be “serviced” right now, so I thought I
would do a blog post.

Finally my return to Las Vegas is booked. I was supposed to go during
the summer, but couldn’t because I was all chemo-upped. So almost 7
months later I’m going. I’ll be there February 19 to 22 and staying at
the Bellagio! I better start practicing my blackjack strategy again.

Also, I’m going back to Disneyland this year.
I found a really cheap flight/hotel combo for the week of June 1 to 5,
and then I’m going to get an annual pass to DL so I could possibly
go yet again within a year. I can’t wait…

I guess I’m way way overdue for an update here…
My life has been out of sorts the last couple of months.
For the first time in years I don’t know what is coming next for me. I finish my degree in December, but I failed to get a chartered accountant articling student job. That combined with the failing economy has made me very depressed lately. I haven’t felt this depressed for an extended period for years. I don’t like the uncertainty of my future.

Maybe it’s the depression talking, but it seems like nothing ever works out for me the way I want it to.

This has been a strange fall.
I finished chemo on September 1, just barely. It was the hardest thing I’ve ever had to go through. I’m still not entirely back to normal, my skin still has marks on it, and I have weird feelings in my hands and feet sometimes. At least my hair finally started to grow again.
I made it to Disneyland last month, which was fun but extremely crowded. I really want to go back again. At Disneyland you don’t feel the worries of the rest of your life.

Usually I would start to look forward to Christmas around now, but not this year. Christmas just signals the end of the year and is another reminder that I have no job for 2009, and no idea what to do.

I hate being put in a position where I have to react, I prefer to be proactive and create my future, not react to external actions that limit my future.

I don’t know what I’m doing, as the title suggests, I feel lost…