Well I am one third of the way through my chemotherapy, and so far it hasn't been too much fun.

By the end of the first week I was vomiting, a lot. And it continued into the next week.

This week my hair has started to fall out. I have bald patches all over my head.

I'm trying to write final exams for all my summer courses this week. Advanced accounting has really got me worried. I didn't do great on the midterm and I need to get 65% overall for it to count for becoming a CA.

I am going to go to Disneyland when this is all over. That's one of the things that I am looking forward to and keeps me going…

So I went back to the doctor today and got my chemo schedule. I’m getting 3 cycles of BEP (which is Bleomycin, Etoposide & Cisplatin). This will go over the course of 9 weeks, so my summer is pretty much done.

I have a lot of tests and things I have to go through in the next week or so, and then I start the chemo on July 7…

So the waiting is over. I have to get chemo. I'll find out more (like when and for how long) on tuesday.

Oddly enough, when I got the phone call yesterday I actually felt better. The uncertainty was over. The results were crappy, but at least I now know.

Today though it has started to sink in and I feel a little sad. This is going to royally fuck up my summer…

Well I still have to wait another week to find out what's going on with me…

On monday june 2, my family doctor left me a message saying that the results of the CT scan I had on may 28 showed an enlarged lymph node. So I had week of anxeity until my appointment with my oncologist on june 9. Monday comes and she tells me it is a cause for concern and she will present my case to the tumour board for a recommendation, the following wednesday. So I get another week plus of anxeity and waiting again…

It would be so much easier if they could just tell me I have to have surgery or chemo instead of all this waiting…
I have to admit the waiting is getting to me, I don't know how I'm going to make it to next wednesday.
To make matters worse I have two midterms in the next week. I find it hard to study usually, let alone with the worries I have on my mind recently…

It feels like weight pressing down on me…